MUSIC & PUPPETS
Toddler musical workshops with Puppets & Lights.
Every Tuesday at 10.30am
"The Dish & The Spoon" 61 Cheltenham Rd. SE15 3AF
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THEIR NIGHTMARES
By Dr Laura Kauffman
Your child has woken up from a scary dream for the third time in a week, but you don’t know what to do. Trying to console a sobbing child who only wants to climb into bed with you can be a struggle. What does it mean if your child has been having so many nightmares recently? What can you do before and after a nightmare to calm and soothe your child?
Child Development and Dreaming
Let’s start with a quick and dirty science lesson on sleep. Humans cycle through Rapid Eye Movement (REM) and non-REM sleep approximately four to five times a night. Non-REM sleep begins with Stage One, very light sleep, then on to Stage Two, slightly deeper sleep, and then Stage Three, very deep, slow-wave sleep. Next, the cycle reverses itself, Stage Three, Stage Two, and then back to Stage One. This is where things get really interesting. After a complete cycle of non-REM sleep (1-2-3-2-1), the brain drops into REM sleep. The bulk of dreaming occurs during this time, and tell-tale signs of dreaming are present, including eye movements under closed eyes.
Strategies for Supporting Your Child Before Bedtime
If your child is struggling with persistent nightmares, then don’t fret. You can help your child with some practical strategies to help ease them into bed and sleep, reducing the likelihood they will go to bed stressed. Tension and anxiety leading up to bedtime can often filter into a child’s dreams and increase the likelihood of nightmares.
Educate Young Children About Dreams
Although it may be obvious to you, it can be useful to teach and remind children about dreams. Remember to use developmentally appropriate language to help children understand that dreams contain scary content that did not happen in real life. You might say, ‘Dreams are films and pictures that our brain plays at night to help us learn or work through things that are scary or overwhelming. They are not real and did not happen in real life’.
Avoid Scary Media Content Before Bedtime
Adults often forget how children are not sensitised to years and years of scary images viewed on the news, films, or internet. We have seen a lot, and we are not as surprised or unsettled by scary or threatening characters in the media. Children, however, have little to no experience with villains, scary and intense music, and plot lines with loss – and they are easily overwhelmed by this kind of sensory input. They experience it as scary in the moment, and they may likely encounter themes of stress and fear in their dreams as their brain tries to make sense of the situation.
How To Create The Perfect Sleep Environment For Your Child
Thus, parents should carefully monitor and censor the type of media their child is exposed to, even at older ages. Even teenagers are unsettled by images they have seen during horror movies. At the minimum, limit scary and intense media content immediately before bed. Bedtime is for cosy, ‘I’m-feeling-relaxed-and-safe’ kind of experiences.
The Importance of Lighting
Many children want a night light of some kind, but children who are particularly afraid of the dark and/or struggling with nightmares may want brighter lights, such as bedside, hall, or overhead lights on. In general, I recommend that parents try to wean their child off brighter lights, as they can interfere with natural sleep cycles. Bright light signals to the brain that it is still daylight and inhibits the release of melatonin, a hormone that is critical to the onset of sleep.
Relaxation Training
Remember, the goal is to create a quiet and calm night time routine to put your child in a relaxed state before heading to bed. Not only will this allow them to drift off to sleep sooner, but it will facilitate a more peaceful mind-set with fewer nightmare triggers. Some ideas for relaxation include a regular practice of progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery each and every night. Lori Light has produced wonderful CDs and books designed specifically for children to help them relax. In addition, some parents have utilised YouTube to find videos of relaxing meditations for children.
Strategies for Supporting Your Child After a Nightmare
Help your child understand and identify their experience as a dream. Labelling it for them will help your child to feel more calm and able to distance and separate themselves from the scary images they saw in their dream. Normalise their fear and anxiety as understandable and typical reactions to a dream, but remind them that they are safe and the scary situation did not happen in real life.
Your Bed or Their Bed?
Consider your value around sleeping arrangements to guide your decision-making on this issue. If you regularly allow your child(ren) to sleep with you, then this is clearly not a question if they are requesting support and snuggling helps them drift back to sleep after a nightmare.
If, however, you believe strongly that children should generally sleep in their own bed, you should encourage your child to stay in their own bed, but offer to stay with them a few minutes to help calm and relax them. Rub their back and offer encouraging words in a calm tone to reassure them that they are safe and you are nearby.